1. |
Thinking Small
01:00
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Maybe this time
I just might
Try
Cut my worry down to size
Enough
To fit
In your hand
Hold on when
I can’t seem to make sense
Of my thoughts at all
I’ll try and keep my thinking small
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2. |
Real Darkness
04:05
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Last week I told my father
I lost faith in humankind
If people won’t be decent
Why hope that they’ll be nice
I’m not being pessimistic
Or looking for dark skies
Just think we could do better
My guess is i won’t see it in my lifetime
See I’ve always had the upper hand
But that doesn’t make me better man
Now I’m overcome by what I can’t do
But Is it worse to give up than to lose
He said I know it looks bad
Right now the worlds on fire
But maybe the heat will get us
To stand on the same side
I’m not being optimistic
Just waiting for blue skies
I’ve been around a while
Your guess is not yet quite as good as
As good as mine
Said I’ve always had the upper hand
But that never made me a better man
When you’re overcome by what you can’t do
Remember that it’s worse to give up then to lose
I guess if the world is
Half full of real darkness
We all might just sometimes
Be twice as kind
These glasses look familiar
Too small now for my eyes
And though an old prescription
They sure make things look nice
I’ll keep them in my pocket
For days not quite as bright
The sky’s a different color
Pink red and purple i guess it might be all right
And I always had the upper hand
But that doesn’t make me bitter man
Now I’m overcome by what I can’t do
But I know now it’s worse to give up than to lose
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3. |
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Is it time
I start to think of what else that I’d had in mind
Cause if how you spend one day is how you spend your life
Glad there’s tomorrow to try it out again
Make a coffee kill my ego and pretend
That life is more than a random chain of events
Trying my best to make meaning less meaningless
When we’re all just
A culmination of
Six million years plus
The ways our parents fucked us up
I can still hear my first grade teacher every time that I’ve forgot
I still laugh
When the lady at the doctors office asks
Am I free in one year and a day to come back
I sure hope I’ll be around for that
Cause we’re all just
A combination of
Blood, guts and gross stuff
And a base desire to be loved
When I was eighteen I knew everything but I guess since I’ve forgot
Now I listen before i talk
And I’m done
Taking credit just for the good in me
When life is half genetic lottery
It’s not like I chose my personality
If I’m who I’m supposed to be
Can I believe
We’re all just
A fine balance of
Empathy and trust and
Our worst instincts out for blood
But most people try their best just in case you had forgot
So fucking listen before you talk
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4. |
Glory Years
03:51
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I’m five years old again
In the yard with my parents
Just wondering when my brother can
Get old enough to be my friend (drums in)
And then later in the fall
Met someone I still call
Each Christmas morning just to talk
And tell each other what we got
Though at this point it’s mostly socks
But it’d be nice
To see again through wide eyes
A childhood state of mind
Watch your glory years go by
Without wondering when you’ll die
Hits at end of chorus
I think it was 3rd grade
When I told my dad I hate
Being taller than all my classmates
There’s only so much I can only take
Of being different at my age
It might be nice to be the same
He said right now
You think you’ve figured it out
And It’s best to fade into the crowd
Stay small
But the truth is
Someday you’ll be happy in
The body that you’re stuck with
Least that you’re tall
He was right all along
Might sound like a joke
But I thought 16 was old
It’s funny how much I didn’t know
But honestly I still make it up as I go
Ride
Ride
But the whole damn time I was a kid
I had no way to deal with shit
Still not the best but I’ve learned a trick
When things get tough
I Just start thinking of
The ways my life doesn’t suck
And the people that I love
If that doesn’t work
I’ll write down and rhyme what hurts
In a chorus and a verse
It’s good to have a way to sort thoughts out but
It took a while to learn
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5. |
Strange Timing
04:22
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So caught up in the moment
Couldn’t tell you were crying
First time in months that we’d been apart
Talk about strange timing
You’d told me about your father
Just a week before
And while I was at the wedding
He showed up at the door
So I quickly headed home
But by the time I made it back
You were standing there alone
So I just held you and asked
Is there something I can say?
Is there anything I can do?
Is there somewhere we can go?
To make this easier for you
Let me try to
When he was leaving he told you
Something now stuck in your head
He said If I fall off the wagon
Don’t give up on me yet
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6. |
Faithless
03:08
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So it seems like the dream has come too late
Or is it just I’m now awake
If years ago you had asked me
How do you think you’ll spend your life?
Once your twenties have gone by
I would probably say
It would be great
To be away
But I remember how it was
When I started
Leaving for a living
Trying my hardest
To be anywhere but where I live
Holy shit
I’m getting tired of it
Not quite calling it quits
Feeling a bit faithless
And now there’s not a table left unturned
Just a few lessons left unlearned
Been thinking it’s fate
But that’s a lot thought to give
Something that could change in an instant
Guess I’ve been reading
Too much Stephen king
Now I don’t believe anything
But I remember how it was
As a kid
Sure that there’s good reason why
We exist
Wouldn’t mind a little more of that
confidence
Or whatever it is
I’ll take what I can get
If I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be
At this point
Then maybe that means
I wasn't given a choice
To be this fucking full of it
I admit
I’m sick of chasing my bliss
Don’t care what I might miss
Feeling a bit faithless
But hey today will soon be yesterday maybe by then my heart will change
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7. |
Death Instructions
02:54
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For every song that says what to do
When life leaves your body
There should be one too
To sing when someone
Leaves Here for good
I’d try and write it if I thought I could
But sometimes words
Even well rehearsed
Just make things worse
But I’ll say that maybe it’s true
And there something to
All the stories we tell
Ourselves to get through
Who would I be to say
When we live our last day
That there’s nowhere to wait
Till everyone we ever loved are all in the same place
It’s unlikely but it’s nice to entertain
How many times
Have you heard this one:
It’s not where you’re going
But the way that you’ve gone
Yeah it’s cliche
But what isn’t these days
Most things take reminding to stay
It’d be like if you spend your whole life
Just wasting time
Trying not to die
But who knows maybe it’s true
And there something to
All the stories we tell
Ourselves to get through
Who would I be to say
When we live our last day
That there’s nowhere to wait
Till everyone we ever loved are all in the same place
It’s not likely but it’s nice to entertain
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8. |
Doomed
03:36
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You’re not making this easy on yourself or anyone else
Good god it’s hard enough to stay and see this thing through
The light you’re seeing your life in when everyone knows that someday somethings gonna give
Out soon
An excuse
And up that
You want to be someone who wants to be somebody new
But maybe you’re fucking doomed to just be the person that does what you do
You tell me things are gonna change
Convincing no one besides your conscience and your shame to sit this one out
And let your ego take control
Breaking your morals beneath the wheels of wanting more
Of it
Worship
Don’t deal with how
You want to be someone who wants to be somebody new
But maybe you’re fucking doomed to just be the person that does what you do
You're my friend on some days
That’s worth something in some ways
Feel like you’re lying saying you’re trying to be honest with me
Will you
Want to be someone who wants to be somebody new
When I’m not here for you
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9. |
33
03:21
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I’ve started to notice who I’ve started to be
Someone who stays more often than leaves
Who’ll talk and laugh not just at my phone
A bit better at being alone
Every year it gets a little less true
When i tell myself I’ve got nothing to lose
I’m just scared right now of all that I have
but I know it too will pass away
Leaving clarity
To help me rearrange my priorities
Experiential knowledge of what I can change
And what’ll change me
Or am I getting old
And Just smart enough to know what I can’t control
But not enough not to try anyway
I’ve got a question for whoever might know
Is it by design life speeds up as it goes
So I send out a prayer, doesn’t hurt much to ask
Cmon let the good times last
I’ll wait for my maturity
To help me redefine what makes me happy
When all that’s worth anything is who I’ve changed
And who has changed me
I know it’s a cliche
To give up on your dreams at a certain age
But dreaming implies waking up someday
Through a crack in the shades I feel the light on my skin
33 years I’ve been sleeping in
But the room is so cold and my bed is so warm
Think I’ll dream a little more
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Lake Saint Daniel Watertown, Massachusetts
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